Requesting Change – Love or Control?

Is encouraging someone to be a better person an act of love of control? It depends. Before we ask someone to change, we need to make sure that we are practicing the change that we want in others.  Otherwise, we would be hypocritical by asking someone to do something that we are not doing ourselves.   

We also need to evaluate what change we are asking of others and why we wish them to change.  Is the change for their better or is it because we just want them to agree with us or be like us?  If the change is not going to improve their life and relationships, then it may be that we want to control them to do things our way.  If that is the case, then it is a “power play” to show our control or dominance. 

If what someone is doing is detrimental to their spiritual, physical, social or mental health, then it is an act of love to encourage that person to change.  We want them to be healthy, happy and enjoy the life that God is giving them.  With their best interests as our motivation, we can kindly, gently, and lovingly ask them to make changes that would improve their life and relationships.    

If someone’s behaviors are detrimental and destructive, then to not ask those to change would be a sign that we don’t truly care for or love that person.     

If you want someone to change their attitude, words or behaviors, ask these questions of yourself: What changes do I want this person to make?  Why do I want them to change?  Is what I want them to change going to be better for them? Am I living the change that I want in them?  How can I best discuss these changes with this person?  What words will I use? What will be my attitude in confronting them with these changes?  Am I willing to help this person make these changes?  How can I encourage them as they attempt these changes?